Sunday, March 27, 2016

A Season of Loss

It wasn't long after my Nicky went to heaven that I got the call that my Pawpaw was headed that way as well.

For both it was the same....old age had trapped them inside immobile bodies that longed to run and explore, and I was and am happy to know Pawpaw has his mobility back. I have attended a visitation, the burial, and a memorial, and in all cases already know deeply that my Pawpaw is not hanging around to see how WE take it. He has eternity to explore everything he's every been interested in, or curious about. He's reunited with fellow musicians and his fingers have veritably flown over that banjo.

But now it's time to let our Trudy go. She has deteriorated, lost muscle tone and serious amounts of weight. She is on medication for incontinence and has to be cajoled to eat and take her meds. She still loves to go out front and eat grass like a cow or deer. But she can barely make it upstairs and onto her bed. I haven't given up yet, though we are talking about a matter of days.

I managed through Nicky, and Pawpaw, but I think Trudy will be the final straw, and I want to hide. Paul has dug the hole in Floresville, and made the casket like he made for Nicky. Yet I can't say goodbye just yet. How many more goodbyes before we turn from this season of loss to a season of newness and growth? I don't know.

Still contemplating....

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